that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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