I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
