Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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