So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
