I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
