CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
