Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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