so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
