my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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