my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
