I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
