Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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