I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
