so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
