Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
