I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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