ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
