It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
