Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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