the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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