She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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