So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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