I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
