We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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