The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
