I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
