eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
