evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
