is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
