Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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