Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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