When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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