can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
