and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am naked and annoyed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
