you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my poor anus
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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