I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She bit a glass in half.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
