Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
