If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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