Your tits are I can't wait for
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
