flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
