What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
