I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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