I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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