I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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