I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
false alarm, still single
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
