my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
