i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
