I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
