Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
