Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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